Kid, stretched out on parental bed face-down:

-I am inner peace

Me, checking uterus:

-No, you’re outer peace.

Kid, reeling in both parents:

-I am centerpiece!

Kid talk

“This morning was like sticking tomatoes in a blender before you stick your hand in, so no one notices the blood” (it was a pretty cough-heavy morning indeed)

“Rub my belly, I am not dead!”

“It is I, your greatest achievement!”

Friend: I don’t know whether I look up at you or down at you. Kid2: I look west at you and see the ancient dragons that King Arthur fought.